@kristibrazell hahaha
@nataliegrant

The Truth Still Hurts

fof

Recently, Focus On The Family, with Dr James Dobson, aired a portion of a talk I gave on The Revolve Tour about my struggle with an eating disorder. Honestly, I never listen to myself speaking. So, I went to the website and listened to the podcast. To hear myself recount my past struggles was more difficult than I had imagined. Immediately I was transported back to that place of brokenness and desperation. I didn’t realize that hearing the truth I was sharing would still hurt so deeply and make me realize that many of those insecurities still haunt me.

I am so grateful that I no longer struggle with an eating disorder and have found healing from that. But I still battle many insecurities, some that plague me everyday. That’s why it is so important to continually renew my mind with God’s truth. It’s His truth, and only that truth, that sets us free. While listening, I was also reminded how easy it is to begin to rely on our own strength. When in the desperate place, it’s easy for me to realize my need for God. It’s in the not-so-desperate place that the danger of self-reliance creeps in. Hearing my own story reminded me that in brokenness, Jesus does his best work.

What is your brokenness? What is your fear? What are you working so hard to camouflage? Embrace it and watch Jesus take the pieces and make an incredible work of art. And as you do, and the things that weigh you down become lighter, never forget the great Artist who did the work.

I didn’t know it would hurt to listen to this podcast today. But the hurt was so worth it, because it reminded me of the healing.

Broken and Beautiful,

Natalie

June 25, 2009  •  21 Comments  •  Posted in Blog, Love Revolution, Music, News, Travel
  • haley hudson

    when i first went to revolve they said natalie grant and i was thinking who in the world is that?but when you came out and sang something beautiful it made my eyes tear up…it made me feel special and beautiful…then when you told your story i felt like you were talking to me!haha because at the time i was going thorugh bulimea/anorexea(is that how you spell it?)so i bought your book…and i am now no longer suffering with it….i have thought about going back to it…but thank God i havent

  • http://karaannelang.blogspot.com Katherine Lang

    I appreciate your willingness to share such a painful part of your past. I’m sure your victory (with God’s help) inspires others that may currently struggle with eating disorders.

    LOVE your music!!

  • rebekah

    I really appreciate that you have stood up in the face of adversity, keep listening to God and don’t give up.

  • http://www.twitter.com/JacquiL Jacqui

    Thanks Natalie for being so honest and sharing your story of what you have overcome. I’ve never had the chance to go to any Revolve events, so it was really interesting to hear what you had to say! You really inspire me. I know how difficult it is to talk about such personal and painful things, and I only wish I had half the strength you have! It’s awesome how you turned your own suffering into a victory for Jesus and something that can help so many other people! You really make a difference. *Sending lots of love.* Oh, and you are beautiful, just the way you are! :)

  • Lindsey

    Wow. Thank you so much for sharing. I have listened to your music for as long as I can remember and have enjoyed reading your blog and recently started following you on twitter, but I never knew this.

    I am 24 years old and have struggled with an eating disorder for 10 years…practically half of my life. I have “gotten over it” for a few years, only to find myself running back into the same sin. Over the years, friends have found out…but then I just do a really stealth job of covering it up and acting happy to get them to quit asking.

    The scary thing is that satan has now taken my eating disorder and is using it to take over so many other areas. I constantly feel like I’m not good enough to live for the Lord. I listened to your clip while I was in Starbucks. When you said “You don’t have to clean yourself up to come to God,” the tears started flowing so freely that I had to leave and go to my car.

    Thank you. Thank you. Thank you…for opening your heart. For allowing God to redeem this area of your life. For putting yourself out there to help others in need.

    You are a blessing!

  • Kari Smith

    It’s encouraaging to know that there is a brighter, stronger light than I know at then end of this tunnel. I feel like Frodo from Lord of the rings when he says, “They’re calling me…” In a trance and against his will, he starts walking the wrong way. I can be hardheaded and I’m digging in my heals, asking Jesus for His strength, for mine won’t be nearly enough. Somedays, it doesn’t seem like enough. I need to hate this enough to shed this false sense of security. I know where the real security is….I just can’t seem to let this false sense go. I’m torn between two worlds: one that I know is the best choice for me and one that I crave ~ I crave that high. So how do I turn the craving around?? It’s what I have to figure out. Maybe I already have. Maybe I need to stop trying to hard to fight, look to Jesus, and let HIM give me the strength, the power, and the confidence to fight ~ to fight with him instead of in His place.

  • Mandy

    i’m so glad you came out of your eating disorder. your ministry has helped me so much. my brokeness and weakness is not just one. i have so many! but God really does help us through those, doesn’t he?
    thank you for all you do. you are a remarkable and beautiful person.

  • Kelli

    I have to say that I was curious about how you are dealing with still today. I cut my body over and over again–and although I havent done it in a while…the memories still haunt me. Went I went to Revolve in 2006, hearing about your struggles, shocked me. I sincerely thought that you were invincible-but I realized you too are human and you and everyone else are too.

    I thought that I could stop..but sadly I still face the stuggles every day. I hope that one day I could discuss my struggles with you. I want to hear if your past still affects you. Thanks to this blog I know once again, what I am going through is normal. I look back at those months and how dark they seemed. The memories will never fade and God will eventually take the pain away…God bless you, you are an incredible role model for us all. I hope to one day say that God has healed me

  • heather

    i love how open and honest u are with were with ur bulimia.
    i just listened to ur podcast, and almost cried my eyes out.everything you said…thats me!
    but ill never get away from it like u lol

    but thanks for sharing that.
    it was amazing.

  • http://www.roxannekristina.blogspot.com Roxanne Kristina

    xoxox,
    Roxx

  • Lindsay English

    I kinda sorta think i know what you mean. Speaking about your story or testimony or struggles is different than hearing it or deeply thinking about it. it hurts to think about. Like im reading your book right now and im alittle over half way through it and ive already cried more than a few times. because you talk about your insecurites and your eating disorder and your story is so similar to mine in some ways but so different in others. The main difference is i have never struggled with an eating disorder, i found my “sense of control” doing something else. Anyways, it may be painful to think about but like you said, it also reminds me of the healing and how far i have come since then. i still majorly struggle with self esteem and insecurities, i think its always gonna be a huge part of me… but even when i go back under that dark storm cloud and the devil tried to tell me im not beautiful or that im not good enough or talented enough or that im worhtless, God never ceases to bring back the truth and the light. And that is something i know i can always count on.

    Your story, to me and to so many others, is so encouraging. Thank you for sharing it.

  • http://livingstones4moms.com Dana B.

    I heard you give your testimony at the Revolve Tour in 2007 in Dallas. I took my teen daughters. I then heard the FOF broadcast recently of your talk again. Your testimony reminded me of my sister. As far as I know she does not have an eating disorder, but she is in an unhealthy relationship now with a man and has become washed over by becoming who he wants her to become. In the past, she has turned to alcohol & drugs to cover her pain, but is working hard to leave that in the past, but she seems to be going from one bad tendency to another.
    Thank you for being so real & transparent. Today’s girls do not have enough godly role models, so I”m thankful that you are telling your story. My daughters (18,16 & 14) have read your book about your story & loved it.
    I follow you on Twitter & love the recipes you share! Thanks.

  • Aubry McMahon

    Natalie you are a strong person! I would never be able to share me story infront of thousands of people! Thanks soooo much!

  • http://www.GodsAnvil.com Kelly (Race_12_1)

    Thank you for being transparent. Though each of our stories are different, I truly believe that when we allow the Lord to use us and all we have experienced as part of our ministry to others He is able to shine. The amazing grace, mercy, strength, and healing power of the Lord in your life is an amazing testimony of Him. By being so transparent others are able to see that the Lord fulfills His promises, lifts us up, and renews us when we fall. Thank you for sharing your story so that others might see that they only need to go to the Lord to receive that same strength, shelter, and healing that he promises to those that are His.

  • Pingback: Thank God that… He still welcomed me back « Hannah’s

  • Cassie Nelson

    Your Amazing.

  • megan

    Hey,
    I just wanted to say thank you for sharing your testimony… I had been bulimic and still struggle and what you said gave me hope. so thanks you r amazing and very talented
    <3 megan

  • http://www.anamericanbutterfly.blogspot.com Meredith Creek

    When I met you last week at the Festival of the Bells, I had your struggle in the back of my mind as I too have battled an eating disorder. For 17 years I fought myself, God, everything around me just trying to find a place of complacency. I wanted something, anything to make me feel better and feel confident about God’s creation. But only in the past 30 days (today is day 30 actually) have I begun to transform into what God wants me to be. It’s a miracle of sorts because I thought I would never recover. I rebelled, I lost, I fought what was right to do what was wrong. I think the fact that you struggled to hear the podcast shows you are human and may also help you see how far you’ve come. God heals the wounded and when we can see what we were and know that it is buried with His forgiveness, it makes us stronger for the moment at hand and those moments yet to come. Thank you for sharing your disorder, your journey and for also allowing me to speak with you briefly last week. I believe together and with God, we can all (the millions of us) overcome these disorders. Blessings, M

  • Irene

    Hello everyone,
    i havent read that book. But of late i have been through alot. I pray God will have mercy upon my wrong choices. In Uganda we rearly have gospel international musicians come over to inspire us the young. Am 22 but going through alot especially with relationships. please pray with me.
    Otherwise i love Natali Grants music and pray you come to my country some day.
    God bless,
    Irene

  • MarGlenn

    can anyone tell me where i can find a working link to the clip that was mentioned above? i’m going through a really hard time right now with all of this and I really just need to hear some of the stuff she said. its so different hearing it from an actual human voice rather than reading it somewhere. I would really appreciate if someone could tell me where i could find it

  • http://www.facebook.com/giggle.giggle.93 Morgan Emerson

    Natalie,
    Thank you so much for sharing your past struggles. I have never really had an eating disorder on that side but there have been times when “eating made me feel better” which really never made sence because i have always hated how i look! i always feel fat and ugly and just horrible about myself. Your voice and your songs, along with your heart that reads through,through your music makes me feel safe and happy. i feel beautiful when i listen to your songs. YOU inspire me! i dont know any other way of saying it, you just simply inspire me! you have such a beautiful and giving heart. :) thank you for giving God your life and being my inspiration! :)